Why I Love Reading Memoirs

Life lessons & summer reading recommendations

When I was 18, I thought I had life set. I had started college, I had chosen a major, and I thought I was on a Path. I figured those decisions I had made meant I was All Set for Life. But when I was 21 and approaching graduation, I realized I’d have to make a lot more decisions. Where would I work after college? Where would I live? And what do I make for dinner? It freaked me out to realize that life was, in fact, a series of making big and small decisions. Forever. With the help of wise voices in my life I made some decisions for my immediate future and released myself from deciding For Life. Instead I decided to take things a year at a time.

At 25, I hit a reset — from apartment living to my parents’ house, from teacher to student, from breezy Oklahoma to chilly Massachusetts. That’s when I really got into reading memoirs and autobiographies.

When I started reading memoirs, I learned that nobody actually seems to have known where their life was headed in their twenties. I ate up stories of famous comics who were 20-year-olds scraping from week-to-week, of HGTV stars who risked their savings on fixer-uppers that they didn’t know would pay off, and of a cartoonist who accidentally stumbled on vegetal animation.

Reading their stories helped me to feel less alone in my own not-knowing. It helped me to see that nobody actually knows what they are doing in their twenties (or most of the time, for that matter) and we are all stumbling around doing the next right thing. Nobody knows the future. All we can do is live in the present.

Another thing I love about memoirs is that the main character is the actual author. It is a rare window of opportunity into a stranger’s inner processing. I like thinking about and learning about how other people think. It’s especially a treat when I can listen to the audiobook being read by the author; it feels like they’re riding in the car with me as they share not just their stories but the thoughts and feelings that go with them.

If the story is intense it can be a lot — I can get lost in their pain if I’m not careful. But this window into another person’s perspective can also foster in me compassion and understanding. I only have the privilege of living my “one wild and precious life” (thank you, Mary Oliver). Memoirs allow me to step into someone else’s story for a minute and walk in their shoes. For example, I had heard of apartheid in history classes many times but I didn’t really understand its impact until I read Trevor Noah’s memoir Born a Crime.

A third lesson I have learned from memoirs is the mysterious and beautiful ways that people’s stories wind together and intersect. We often cannot anticipate who will play impactful roles in our lives. Someone I meet this week could be a dear old friend 30 years from now. An acquaintance from 15 years ago could be making policy decisions that influence my career 10 years from now. Life is full of surprises.

I notice a trend in my favorite memoirs — they are often written in chronological order and span many years. I love a good chance to see some growth and development. I suppose that some might call that an autobiography rather than a memoir, and they would probably be right. I’m honestly not entirely clear on the difference, but I like them both.

The craziest things happen in real life. I’m grateful that people write these things down to share with readers like me. It helps me to know that most people don’t know where they’re going until they’ve got there, and that we’re all in progress in one way or another. In reading others’ stories it helps me to remember the times I’ve felt out of my depth or totally untethered and the ways I have survived. In the seasons when I feel myself floating like an astronaut lost in space I know it’s a good time to pick up another memoir.

For Your Summer Reading Enjoyment

Here is a list of some of the memoirs and autobiographies I’ve read or listened to over the past several years, in no particular order. Please share your favorites with me in the comments — I’m always looking for new recommendations!

• Yes Please by Amy Poehler

• The Magnolia Story by Joanna Gaines

• Becoming by Michelle Obama

• Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

• Come Matter Here by Hannah Brencher

• I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

• Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

• Home and Home Work by Julie Andrews

• Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

• No Cure for Being Human by Kate Bowler

• Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance

• Educated by Tara Westover

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

• Limitless by Mallory Weggemann

• More Myself by Alicia Keys

• Me, Myself, and Bob by Phil Vischer

• Marathon Woman by Kathrine Switzer

• I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

• The Story of the Trapp Family Singers by Maria Augusta Trapp